Welcome to the March issue of i hate it here, a monthly bitchfest of all things that have your favorite 5’1 disgruntled asshole currently triggered. Wear your hair down and your blood pressure high, babes.
Your anger is a gift.
On Sephora Kids
When my niece begged for a Disney Princess themed pastel eyeshadow palette, like any cool aunt, I happily hit add to cart.
Then came the Fenty lip gloss, albeit a tad bit pricey for recess, I assumed it was probably more about the flashy silver packaging and sparkles than a desire for plump lips. I went ahead and bought that too. After all, makeup has always been a part of pretend play for little girls. Having once been 8 years old myself, I knew the importance of nurturing her curiosity and creating a safe environment for her to explore her blossoming femininity. Sure, what the hell. Let’s shine bright like a diamond.
Next she asked for moisturizer. $48 moisturizer. Then came some kind of coveted dew drops. Dew drops? And could she have the one with retinol?
Retinol.
I asked, as calmly as my inner New Yorker would allow, where in the hell she’d learned about retinol. I even laughed, joking that she probably couldn’t spell it. Jokes on me, she could.
She grabbed her iPad and pulled up tween influencer after tween influencer, 58lb six year olds who can’t even read chapter books hawking eye serum and night oil to other 6 year olds. Of course, it was all over TikTok.
After my initial rage subsided, I became profoundly sad. What have we done?
This isn’t the harmless fun Lip Smackers craze of 1998. Anti-aging products being marketed to children who still have their baby teeth is downright sinister.
Ellen Atlanta, the author of 2024’s Pixel Flesh: How Toxic Beauty Harms Women notes “It is no longer enough for children to be children; they must now be beautiful and photogenic too. The beauty industry – engineered by billion-dollar conglomerates – has extended its reach into the most tender years of life, convincing six-year-olds they need skincare treatments, that ‘glowing up’ is an obligation, and that beauty is not just an asset, but a necessity.” This is an industry that thrives on eroding self-esteem young. Ensuring life-long dependency on its products is one sure-fire way to create life long customers.
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